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The Equine Ten Commandments of Inconvenience
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1. If you find the perfect lease or buyer for your horse, said horse will immediately pull up lame for the first time in six years.
2. If the vet has just left at 16:59 on a Friday evening, your horse will wait for exactly the amount of time it takes the vet to drive home before spontaneously colicking.
3. If you have an important show in the morning, your horse will find the dirtiest patch of mud to roll in. If there’s no mud, poo will do.
4. If you’ve just paid for an expensive show, clinic or lesson, your horse will spontaneously sprout a mystery abscess and start hopping on 3 legs – after exactly as many days as it takes for you to lose the opportunity for a refund.
5. If you’ve got a horse who looks fantastic in brown tack, and you’ve always dreamed of owning brown tack, only black saddles will fit. It doesn’t even matter if they’re the same make and model. They won’t fit.
6. If you have a set budget for purchasing a saddle, your horse will force you to either increase it tenfold, or spend the money on medical bills instead after failing miserably at a bareback riding career.
7. If you are lucky enough to get hold of a free horse, it will definitely rack up $15000 of vet bills within the first year of ownership.
8. If you are lucky enough to afford an extremely expensive imported horse, it will spook at its own fart in the quarantine paddock and immediately sustain a career-ending injury.
9. The younger and more talented a horse is, the more likely it is to fall victim to an unexpected tragedy.
10. The 25 year old Shitland pony who has been slightly lame for the last decade, bites everybody who walks past and breaks all the feed buckets and fences will continue living his best life for the rest of time. |
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