Items

Forums
 
Dear Baby Horse - Regarding The Gate
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   29th Mar 2020   •   407 views   •   0 comments
Dear Baby Horse

The Cynical Equestrian
666 WhydoIdothis Street,
Mustbemadville
2020/02/11

Baby Horse
Minister of Shenanigans
2nd Paddock on the Left

Dear Baby Horse,
I am a long-time sufferer of your shenanigans, and I am writing to express my concern about recent discussion and the pending decision to implement an ďexit the arena at any given opportunityĒ policy. I understand that the decision is being considered to enable escape from work that will accommodate your preferred feeding schedule.

However, I do not believe that the benefits of you stuffing your stupid face compare favorably to the benefits of me keeping all of my limbs attached. Consider: My being in possession of the appropriate number of limbs allows me to continue doing my extremely poorly-chosen job of training young horses. If one of my knees, for example, were to be forcefully removed by one of your unexpected exits from the arena, I would be left unable to earn a living, and therefore unable to generate the income required to pay for the tasty snacks that you so desire. This would eventually lead to you either starving to death, or else being sold to a new owner who would most likely have you disposed of after becoming sick and tired of your constant shenanigans that I so patiently tolerate.

It would seem that snacking in your paddock during your brief 1 hour of work 6 days per week would bring increased growth to your already enormous belly, and thus an increase in your personal joy and perceived success in life. However, consider that my well-being is in fact a requirement for your comfortable living, and without my physical health and good humour, you will swiftly find yourself in a donation crate addressed to the crocodile farm.

Are these trade-offs that we really want to make? I am looking forward to your response.

Sincerely,
Your long-suffering trainer,
The Cynical Equestrian

Check out The Polo The Weirdo Baby Horse Diaries Series.

Horse News More PB Articles About:  Polo The Weirdo,
Horse News More In This Category:  Horse Stories      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
 Related Horse News
Perfection has its flaws - The story of Polo
12th Apr 2010   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
This is the story of my horse, Polo. Yet it is not only about Polo, because you see her story is my story. In this day and age we often see things that have come to be known as 'fursonas', virtual creatures that Internet users hav ...
Jumping My Polo Horse Bareback
25th Jun 2010   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
This video shows myself and my Polo horse simply being ourselves and having a great time! Everything in this video is bareback, it is a complete no saddle zone! The only tack used is always either a bridle or a halter and lead rei ...
A Tribute To Polo
19th Nov 2017   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
So, to my Polo, goodbye, and thank you. You were more important to me than you could ever know. And to all you at Ponybox, Hello again, and thanks for waiting. With this long overdue tribute to a very special muse, Polo the Weirdo ...
April 20th 2013 Showjumping Competition With Bronze
27th Apr 2013   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
The weekend of April 20th saw my official showjumping debut for 2013. Since the South African Junior Championships in December, my horses were given a well deserved holiday, before slowly building back up to competition standard. ...
April 20th 2013 Showjumping Competition With Finola
2nd May 2013   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
The weekend of April 20th saw my official showjumping debut for 2013. Since the South African Junior Championships in December, my horses were given a well deserved holiday, before slowly building back up to competition standard. ...
10 Signs you have the Wrong Instructor
10th Mar 2017   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
If your instructor is able to get through more than three bottles of wine in a lesson, you probably have the wrong instructor. Or your instructor has the wrong pupil. You should never drive instructors to alcoholism, no matter how ...
Baby Horses are kind of like Farts
18th Aug 2018   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
Have you ever experienced while attending an extremely proper and dignified horse show, an elegantly dressed person suddenly erupting, at the top of their very polite lungs, WHY YOU LITTLE FART! And, having had this strange experi ...
My Horse is a #$@&%*!
8th Oct 2016   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
As I write this, I am soaking wet from the knee-down, with puddles in my boots, and sand in places Iíd rather not mention. Iíve said it before and Iíll say it again: My horse is an #$@&%*! ...
If Horses Were Celebrities
17th Apr 2017   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
Horse and Hound recently released a quiz which tells you, based on a series of questions, what celebrity your horse would be if he was a human. Unsurprisingly, my own Moonfire would probably be Kanye West. This got me thinking, if ...
Alternative Equine Behavior Issues
15th Apr 2017   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
Have you ever thought about the terms that we equestrians use for horse behavior problems, and what those terms would sound like to the average man on the street? Our jargon often leads to much confusion for the layman (which ofte ...
  View More PonyBox Related Horse Articles
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
400 Horses Killed Each Month Due to COVID Lockdown
17th May 2020   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
The elongated shutdown of racing brings with it many great consequences, many of which are already beginning to show as owners, breeders and trainers alike are forced to begin euthanasia of horses they can no longer afford to keep ...
Why Equestrians Relate to Tiger King
23rd Apr 2020   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
With the Covid-19 pandemic sweeping the globe, people the world over are doing exactly what one would expect modern man to do in a time of great crisis. They are binge-watching eccentric Netflix documentaries. The specific documen ...
How to Stay Sane During Lockdown - A Guide for Equestrians
11th Apr 2020   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
With our current global pandemic, many equestrians the world over are suddenly being forced to face a horseless reality as entire nations enter lockdown. It is a miserable and testing time, but equestrians are tough. Weíre gonna m ...
Equestrian In Lockdown
5th Apr 2020   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
On the first day of lockdown, most of us sat in our homes. Silent, shellshocked, looking through old pictures of our horses and trying to come to terms with the fact that we had to be without them for 3 whole weeks. Worrying about ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Baby Horses Are Like Underwear
10th Nov 2019   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
Yesterday, while dressing to go down to the stables and exercise the half-ton creatures that spend their lives trying to kill me, I got my foot stuck in a hole in my underwear that was definitely not supposed to be there. This mad ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Dont Hurt Me No More
19th Oct 2019   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
Since I have had my Baby Horses, Sunny and De Niro, I have had one fall off each, which is really not bad going through all the toddler tantrums! Honestly, I was feeling quite proud of myself. Until today. ...
Baby Horse Diaries - If Baby Horses Could Name Things
28th Sep 2019   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
If youíve ever owned, trained, or otherwise interacted with a baby horse, you will know that sometimes they just seem to see the world differently to us. Whether itís the shallow rain puddle thatís clearly hiding sharks, or the in ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Sass Levels Reach All Time High
7th Jul 2019   |   Horse Stories   |   Polo the Weirdo
This is not fake news. Our sources have confirmed that Baby Niro displayed excessively high levels of sass recently when being ridden in the arena after a week off work. Witnesses report high levels of head tossing and neck flicki ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
 
©2002 - 2020   PonyBox LLC Create Account Advertise Terms Privacy Contact Us
191 Members Online 268,704 Registered Members 2,751 News Articles 11,687,341 Unique News Article Views 278,144,744 Website Views