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Baby Horses are kind of like Farts
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Have you ever experienced while attending an extremely proper and dignified horse show, an elegantly dressed person suddenly erupting, at the top of their very polite lungs,
“WHY YOU LITTLE FART!”
And, having had this strange experience, have you ever sat and wondered just what on earth might possess such a polite horse person to let slip something so horribly improper regarding their divinely graceful equine partner?
Well, wonder no more. For I have been that person, and now I am here to enlighten you as to why, exactly, a Baby Horse is kind of.... well very like a big uncontrollable fart.
1. Most of the time you can contain them, but when you suddenly can’t, you will probably find yourself in an embarrassing situation.
2. Even though nobody can perfectly control them, everybody will still be extremely offended if you let one escape in public.
3. When you do let one escape in public, you’re usually best off whistling innocently and pretending it isn’t yours.
4. When you let them escape often, nobody wants to be near you.
5. There are these rare, magical moments where you think you’ve let one get away, but then it suddenly comes back under control, and it feels like you’ve cheated death.
6. You will spend most of your time around other people pretending like you’re not fighting to hold one back.
7. When in doubt, sit. Sit DEEP!
8. You never know what damage they’ll cause when you finally relax and let one go.
9. When you don’t tell your partner you accidentally produced another one, and suddenly you’re in trouble all over again...
10. Produce too many, and it might destroy your relationships.
11. Some of them are silent but deadly. Others like to sing you the song of their people as they rip away.
12. At times they’ll leave you thinking, “Well this just stinks”.
13. A sense of humour helps a lot, especially when dealing with someone else’s.
14. You’ll always wonder how others seem so relaxed, and manage to keep theirs so controlled, while you feel like you’re sitting on a ticking time bomb.
15. Don’t try hold onto one for too long. You’ll hurt yourself.
16. When there are too many in a small space, you’re going to have a bad time.
17. If you trust one too much, you could end up in some deep Sh@*!
When it comes to either Baby Horses or bodily functions, we can train ourselves to control them. But, no matter how hard we try, they will always remain – to some extent - uncontrollable forces of nature. In the end, the best we can do is sit tight, pray, and hope that when we lose the will to fight, and we finally do trust one enough to relax and let it go, it’s not going to end up being one of the shitty ones.
** I would like to thank my hilarious Facebook friends for their support of, and suggestions for, this article. I would also like to point out that my life right now is basically a Dutch oven of baby horses. I clearly need to get some fresh air. |
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