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Llamanitis Epidemic Hits the Equine World Without Mercy
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Llamanitis is a very common and frustrating disease often found in horses and ponies of all shapes and sizes (Most often school ponies, mares, or particularly flamboyant geldings). It has been known to be contagious, and recently I have noticed the epidemic beginning to spread.
In the Polonese dictionary, Llamanitis is defined as follows:
“inflammation of sensitive layers of ego inside the brain in horses and other animals. It is particularly prevalent in mares or otherwise obstinate equines, and can cause extreme llamaness.”
In layman’s terms, llamanitis is a condition which gives your beautifully schooled little dressage horse or your well mannered reining pony the ability to spontaneously morph into a llama. A grumpy, moody, obstinate, spitting llama; not the cool kind.
Related: The Eventers Dictionary
Related: Young Horse Dictionary
Common symptoms of llamanitis include a neck so ‘ewey’ it’s grosser than Justin Bieber, a nose so high in the air that it defies the laws of Physics, two floppy ears that are in constant danger of poking out a rider’s eyes, and a hollow back that results in the most delightful, choppy stride that could not win a dressage test against a peg-legged parrot with an eyepatch.
Generally, llamanitis is a condition that remains dormant, but it can be triggered by a number of things:
1. The sight of dressage letters. Obviously.
2. A failure by the rider to produce appropriate food bribery before riding.
3. The presence of any kind of whip. Or spurs. Or legs. Any aids at all, really.
4. Food.
5. Absence of food.
6. The invisible monsters that live in the arena.
7. Ironically, seeing a llama. Or cows, sheep, goats, particularly small horses... Actually, seeing any animal at all is likely to bring out the llama in a llamanitic horse.
8. An excess of dweebitude.
As of now, there is no known cure for llamanitis. You can try bribery with carrots, but that is a stall at best. For now, all we can do is raise awareness, in the hopes that our fellow horse owners and riders are prepared for the time when llamanitis begins to spread even to the most polite of steeds. |
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