Items

Forums
 
Llamanitis Epidemic Hits the Equine World Without Mercy
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   20th Jan 2014   •   4,513 views   •   2 comments
Llamanitis Epidemic Hits the Equine World Without Mercy

Llamanitis is a very common and frustrating disease often found in horses and ponies of all shapes and sizes (Most often school ponies, mares, or particularly flamboyant geldings). It has been known to be contagious, and recently I have noticed the epidemic beginning to spread.

In the Polonese dictionary, Llamanitis is defined as follows:
“inflammation of sensitive layers of ego inside the brain in horses and other animals. It is particularly prevalent in mares or otherwise obstinate equines, and can cause extreme llamaness.”

In layman’s terms, llamanitis is a condition which gives your beautifully schooled little dressage horse or your well mannered reining pony the ability to spontaneously morph into a llama. A grumpy, moody, obstinate, spitting llama; not the cool kind.

Related: The Eventers Dictionary
Related: Young Horse Dictionary

Common symptoms of llamanitis include a neck so ‘ewey’ it’s grosser than Justin Bieber, a nose so high in the air that it defies the laws of Physics, two floppy ears that are in constant danger of poking out a rider’s eyes, and a hollow back that results in the most delightful, choppy stride that could not win a dressage test against a peg-legged parrot with an eyepatch.

Llamanitis Epidemic Hits the Equine World Without Mercy

Generally, llamanitis is a condition that remains dormant, but it can be triggered by a number of things:

1. The sight of dressage letters. Obviously.

2. A failure by the rider to produce appropriate food bribery before riding.

3. The presence of any kind of whip. Or spurs. Or legs. Any aids at all, really.

4. Food.

5. Absence of food.

6. The invisible monsters that live in the arena.

7. Ironically, seeing a llama. Or cows, sheep, goats, particularly small horses... Actually, seeing any animal at all is likely to bring out the llama in a llamanitic horse.

8. An excess of dweebitude.

As of now, there is no known cure for llamanitis. You can try bribery with carrots, but that is a stall at best. For now, all we can do is raise awareness, in the hopes that our fellow horse owners and riders are prepared for the time when llamanitis begins to spread even to the most polite of steeds.
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
GoodMorning  
Oh, I think my mare is a sufferer.
  Jan 20, 2014  •  4,809 views
 
Shadowcat  
Love it!!
  Jan 21, 2014  •  4,820 views
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
The Equine Ten Commandments of Inconvenience
27th Nov 2020   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
If you are lucky enough to afford an extremely expensive imported horse, it will spook at its own fart in the quarantine paddock and immediately sustain a career-ending injury. ...
The Best Rider Gadgets That Actually Work - Part II
19th Sep 2020   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Welcome to part 2 in our quest of finding the best gadgets and gimmicks that can actually help you to improve your riding! Put your body where it should be, and let your brain figure out how to keep it there. You’ll have that perf ...
The Best Rider Gadgets That Actually Work - Part I
30th Aug 2020   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Do you always find yourself riding with toes like a ballerina? Do you stare into your own lap as if the secrets of the universe are stitched into the crotch of your joddies? Do you ride with shoulders that would make the Hunchback ...
The Good Side of Equestrian Gadgets
16th Aug 2020   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Gadgets often get a poor reputation in the equestrian world due to their misuse on equine athletes often resulting in harmful or abusive conditions. The debate on whether or not gadgets (like side reins, etc.) ought to be used on ...
400 Horses Killed Each Month Due to COVID Lockdown
17th May 2020   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
The elongated shutdown of racing brings with it many great consequences, many of which are already beginning to show as owners, breeders and trainers alike are forced to begin euthanasia of horses they can no longer afford to keep ...
Why Equestrians Relate to Tiger King
23rd Apr 2020   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
With the Covid-19 pandemic sweeping the globe, people the world over are doing exactly what one would expect modern man to do in a time of great crisis. They are binge-watching eccentric Netflix documentaries. The specific documen ...
How to Stay Sane During Lockdown - A Guide for Equestrians
11th Apr 2020   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
With our current global pandemic, many equestrians the world over are suddenly being forced to face a horseless reality as entire nations enter lockdown. It is a miserable and testing time, but equestrians are tough. We’re gonna m ...
Equestrian In Lockdown
5th Apr 2020   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
On the first day of lockdown, most of us sat in our homes. Silent, shellshocked, looking through old pictures of our horses and trying to come to terms with the fact that we had to be without them for 3 whole weeks. Worrying about ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
 
©2002 - 2021   PonyBox LLC Create Account Advertise Terms Privacy Contact Us
229 Members Online 270,767 Registered Members 2,921 News Articles 12,594,748 Unique News Article Views 302,564,542 Website Views