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Life Lessons Learned From Horses
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Lesson 1
What to do when faced by a WWMD (Winged Weapon of Mass Destruction. AKA, a bird.)
Step 1: When WWMD enters line of sight, stop abruptly, regardless of the speed you were travelling at. Stretch your eyes as wide as they can go, and snort loudly.
Did the problem resolve itself? If no - read on.
Step 2: Stop breathing. If you're really, really quiet - maybe it won't see you, and you'll live to see another day...
Step 3: Consider the size of the WWMD compared to your own size. If the WWMD is less than 10% of your size, it is probably an atom bomb disguised in beaks and feathers. Begin to panic.
Step 4: Take a few steps forward. Repeat step 1. Take a few more steps. Repeat step 1. Step carefully past the WWMD...
Step 5: Abruptly resume original pace, and commence 'thinking about food'.
Lesson 2
What to do when your rider wants to go straight, and you want to go through the gate toward home...
Step 1: Grab bit in teeth, and swerve off track.
Step 2: Ignore rider's attempts to turn back to the right.
Step 3: Repeat step 2 multiple times.
Step 4: If rider attempts to turn to the left, obey. This sneaky form of rebellion means that you can get your own way without being naughty.
Step 5: ... "Dude... I just walked back the way I came..."
Step 6: You have been tricked by your rider again. Misbehave for the remainder of the ride out of spite.
Lesson 3
The Boot Dance.
"You lift your right hoof up, you put your right hoof down, you strike your right hoof out, and you kick it all about. Wait for the next boot and you turn around - that's what it's all about!"
Lesson 4
Guidelines to surviving an alien invasion. (There is a blanket on what before was strictly blanket-free ground.)
Step 1: Walk calmly up to alien life form.
Step 2: Take notice of alien life form. Leap unexpectedly 10 feet into the air.
Step 3: Snort loudly, boggle eyes, and dart backwards.
Step 4: Repeat step 3 several times.
Step 5: Cautiously approach alien life form. Place one hoof on foreign substance.
Step 6: Repeat step 3 several times.
Step 7: Leap over unsuspecting alien life form. HAHA! Take that, fool!
Lesson 5:
Carrot ownership laws.
1. If it belongs to your rider, it is yours.
2. If your rider wants to give it to another horse, it is yours.
3. If it is in a bucket, it is yours.
4. If you like buckets, that is yours, too.
5. If there is another horse's head in the bucket - that is also yours. Remove it to ensure that the carrot remains yours.
6. If it is hidden, it is yours.
7. If the other horses want it, it is DEFINITELY yours.
8. If you had it first, it is yours.
9. If you did not have it first, it is yours.
10. If it is yours, it is mine. |
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weezapony
Derby has read this guide. I know it.
Derby has read this guide. I know it.
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,688 views
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,683 views
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Painted Destiny
I love this! Especially the bird and carrot parts xD The carrot part reminds me so much of Poncho! Well, all of them do, but mainly anything having to do with treats.
I love this! Especially the bird and carrot parts xD The carrot part reminds me so much of Poncho! Well, all of them do, but mainly anything having to do with treats.
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,695 views
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SunlightRider
:D !!! Loved it! Original and funny
:D !!! Loved it! Original and funny
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,276 views
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Moose
Hahahah! I laughed out loud almost the whole way through. This is SO true. I'm sure that Sophie has read this guide and shared it with our other horses.... =P
Hahahah! I laughed out loud almost the whole way through. This is SO true. I'm sure that Sophie has read this guide and shared it with our other horses.... =P
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,713 views
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BarrelRacersLove
I almost peed my pants reading this. Remind my never to read a hilarious article before making my way to.the bathroom.
I almost peed my pants reading this. Remind my never to read a hilarious article before making my way to.the bathroom.
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,112 views
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,424 views
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Deleted Accounts
aw the carrot part reminds me so much of haze and kimba at my yard:D their constantly fighting over them
aw the carrot part reminds me so much of haze and kimba at my yard:D their constantly fighting over them
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,419 views
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Hikari
Why did you let Phoebe read this? WHY? Especially lesson 2?
I thought we were friends until you showed my horse these ideas D:
Why did you let Phoebe read this? WHY? Especially lesson 2?
I thought we were friends until you showed my horse these ideas D:
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,603 views
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RedSugarJumper16
Haha I laughed in the middle of class when I read this! It's so true!
Haha I laughed in the middle of class when I read this! It's so true!
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,552 views
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Madeirey
Polo! You almost killed me from because I laughed to much! Hahahahaa!!
Polo! You almost killed me from because I laughed to much! Hahahahaa!!
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,390 views
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ArabianBariq
So hilarious!!! Lol When i was little i made up a song about what my horses are thinking lol
So hilarious!!! Lol When i was little i made up a song about what my horses are thinking lol
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,392 views
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Que Sara
Hilarious!!! Not laughed like that for so long. Thanks!
Hilarious!!! Not laughed like that for so long. Thanks!
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,405 views
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abb77
i agree, amoureuxdechevaux ! :)
i agree, amoureuxdechevaux ! :)
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Feb 3, 2012
• 7,842 views
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MoonBeam
Hahaha fantastic! Where do you get these ideas from?
Hahaha fantastic! Where do you get these ideas from?
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Feb 4, 2012
• 8,063 views
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Weber98
lol... I put this on Pegasus and everyone loved it! :D
lol... I put this on Pegasus and everyone loved it! :D
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Feb 4, 2012
• 8,362 views
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Carpe Diem
Dude. This is awesome.
Another great and random but totally awesome article by Polo!
Dude. This is awesome.
Another great and random but totally awesome article by Polo!
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Feb 4, 2012
• 8,069 views
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Run Free
oh i think the carrot ownership laws also apply to turnips, hay, oats, pony mix, grass, plants out on hacks, plants in the fields and anything that looks edible. LOVE the artical though all apply to my pony
oh i think the carrot ownership laws also apply to turnips, hay, oats, pony mix, grass, plants out on hacks, plants in the fields and anything that looks edible. LOVE the artical though all apply to my pony
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Feb 6, 2012
• 8,114 views
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Feb 13, 2012
• 8,036 views
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Deep as Rhubarb
Louis (the gelding I take lessons on) also considers colorful balls to be weapons of mass destruction... One time my sister was throwing a ball for the dogs while I was riding and he did NOT like that one bit... XD
Louis (the gelding I take lessons on) also considers colorful balls to be weapons of mass destruction... One time my sister was throwing a ball for the dogs while I was riding and he did NOT like that one bit... XD
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Feb 19, 2012
• 8,045 views
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DunArab
lol so true! great article :)
lol so true! great article :)
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Feb 20, 2012
• 8,229 views
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Bright Horizon
Gave me a good laugh! Nice one, Polo. :)
Gave me a good laugh! Nice one, Polo. :)
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Feb 21, 2012
• 8,079 views
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SMFponies
OMG trying to stop laughing XD
OMG trying to stop laughing XD
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Feb 25, 2012
• 8,064 views
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Rusted Faith
Brilliant! You have a true gift for writing (:
Brilliant! You have a true gift for writing (:
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Mar 2, 2012
• 6,827 views
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Crz4Horses
GAHHH!!! you are so right about the birds....I live in a wetlandey area of the country so we get horribly pre-histoirc looking cranes that were obviously send from H-E-double hockeysticks to scare the living daylights out of our horses...so frustrating:P
GAHHH!!! you are so right about the birds....I live in a wetlandey area of the country so we get horribly pre-histoirc looking cranes that were obviously send from H-E-double hockeysticks to scare the living daylights out of our horses...so frustrating:P
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Mar 10, 2012
• 7,035 views
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Laugh and Ride
Love this! I could totally see Windsor thinking this and he does exactly that for the alien attack. Minus the going over part :p
Love this! I could totally see Windsor thinking this and he does exactly that for the alien attack. Minus the going over part :p
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Apr 7, 2012
• 6,999 views
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RoyalCrownEstates
MOD
I really enjoyed reading this. very nice!
I really enjoyed reading this. very nice!
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May 17, 2012
• 6,823 views
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Foxchase Farm
Love it! So funny and true :)
Love it! So funny and true :)
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Aug 6, 2012
• 6,856 views
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demonstorm
i couldn't stop laughing after lesson 5 especially at the end 'if it is yours,it is mine' and i think same rules apply for every animal in my household but thanks for the good laugh
i couldn't stop laughing after lesson 5 especially at the end 'if it is yours,it is mine' and i think same rules apply for every animal in my household but thanks for the good laugh
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Jul 23, 2013
• 6,477 views
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