Put A Sock In It!
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   27th Jan 2011   •   13,604 views   •   45 comments
Put A Sock In ItHave you ever had a sock go missing? Have you come across that little, lonely, lost sock in your drawer, and never been able to find its partner? Well, I don’t doubt that you have – since this has been a problem faced by all sock-wearers since the beginning of Sockstory. It is a problem that baffles even the best of us – but finally, there may be a solution! Read on to find out how to solve the infamous ‘Solo Sock Sickness’.

The first step is to properly understand your socks. Put yourself in their shoes (Be sure not to use riding boots – they have been known to hurt sockless feet) and think about how they feel. If your day-to-day life was to be stepped on, walked all over, and positively trampled by the master who dictated your every action – would you not also run away from home? Your socks feel the same! So if you want to keep your socks underfoot, you need to try to keep them happy.

First off is the ever-terrible ‘Arranged Sockage’. Why should you get to pick your sock’s partner? Why should a sock have to spend its life with another simply because they look the same? In the sock’s eyes, this is unfair. True love blossoms from the sole – so let your sock choose its own partner, and you’ll be well on the way to winning your sock’s loyalty.

Put a sock in it

Still – socks don’t always succeed in matching themselves up. Should this be the case, your sock will trust you to select the best partner for it. When doing this, please carefully consider the following:

Will your sock feel comfortable with its partner? Recent studies have shown that socks generally feel intimidated by partners much longer, shorter, thicker, thinner, softer or coarser than they are. As such, you should try to find your sock a partner of equal length and the same material.

Is your sock’s partner too similar? As mentioned before, matching a sock with its identical twin seldom works, as this is wrong – very wrong. There are precious few socks who will stand for this sort of matchmaking, and as we all know, a sock that refuses to stand can be extremely dangerous – especially on slippery floors. So unless you want a rather bruised bottom, remember not to wear two socks exactly the same. Try a blue and red, or stripes and spots! Be creative – your socks will appreciate this.

Your socks are trusting your matchmaking skills. If you know that your fashion sense is horrible (I am a prime example here) seek professional help, rather than deal with dissatisfied socks.

Do you feel like you understand your socks’ feelings a little more now? If not – I encourage you to go through your drawer and stroke each of your socks to find out how it feels. You may want to record your findings, since most sockable materials tend to feel somewhat similar, and it is often difficult to keep track of the texture of each sock.

Put a sock in it

Now that we have covered the vast area of correct and incorrect sockage, let us go on to Sock-health.

Socks would appreciate it if you keep your toenails short. This is for two main reasons:

Long toenails are revolting, and your socks will be ashamed to be seen with you if you don’t take the time to prune your feet every once in a while. Long toenails can be terribly hazardous to sock health! Yes – toenails can even cause ‘Holey Sock Syndrome’ – a terrible disease that causes socks to wear away in the toes. This is terribly painful, and your sock will not thank you for it! In fact, some braver socks have even been known to sacrifice themselves in order to expose their wearer’s toe at a valiant attempt at revenge! That’s right – expose your socks to Holey Sock Syndrome, and they’ll expose you to cold feet!

So, if you want good, obedient socks that won’t slip, trip and nip you – then follow these guidelines, and respect your socks!

Don’t agree?
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
Painted Destiny  
Oh my gosh! I simply love this!! :) I'm sure my socks will too! :)
  10 days ago  •  6,138 views
Simply hilarious. Fantastic tips!
  10 days ago  •  6,442 views
*dies laughing*

You are too awesome, Polo. xD
  10 days ago  •  6,189 views
Finally There  
Oh my! This made me smile and laugh and oh dear! I love it!
  10 days ago  •  6,137 views
T W I  
Polo strikes again, with yet another of her hillarious articles!
  10 days ago  •  6,132 views
No Walkin Farms9  
Simply hilarious!
  10 days ago  •  6,181 views
Wow, this is too good to be true! Polo, you are simply amazing.
  10 days ago  •  6,287 views
L u n a r  
Haha THis is great, and reminds me of myself. I NEVER where matching socks.
  10 days ago  •  6,352 views
Haha I LOVE this. I think I have a closest of very happy socks--people laugh and exclaim when I'm actually wearing a matching pair because it's such a rare event. I suppose that means my socks are happier with different partners :P
  10 days ago  •  6,241 views
I can't stop laughing * keeps laughing out loud*
  10 days ago  •  6,172 views
Polo the Weirdo  MOD 
Hehe! I'm glad you guys enjoyed this. :D I've been planning to take a stand for Socks' Rights for quite some time now. :P
  10 days ago  •  6,154 views
And there i am, never thought about the life of my socks.
When all this time they don't want to be forced together.
At least it saves buying more!
  10 days ago  •  6,180 views
LMFAO!! Soo good
  10 days ago  •  6,164 views
I can now understand my socks,i realize what they have been telling me all along!I dont know what i would do without you!
  10 days ago  •  6,156 views
this artical is brilliant off to sock
  10 days ago  •  6,349 views
Moody Farms  MOD 
Very informative. I shall do my best to keep my socks happy and healthy.
  10 days ago  •  7,112 views
Pink Pony  
I love this article, truely amazing. i am shore my socks will thank you
  10 days ago  •  7,110 views
T E M P E S T  
Great article!
  10 days ago  •  7,129 views
Haha this is hilarious :D people dont even take the time to think about thier socks anymore *shakes head* such a shame...
  10 days ago  •  7,118 views
RANDOM- This is hilariouse LOL FACTOR. OMG this is too good. I think I will take more care of my socks from now on!LOL
  9 days ago  •  7,118 views
LOL! This is a rocking article!
  8 days ago  •  7,096 views
HAHA! What a cute post!
  8 days ago  •  7,449 views
Funny! Lol can you write about shoes next?
  8 days ago  •  7,460 views
Starry Eyes  
LOL XD great article
  8 days ago  •  7,456 views
  5 days ago  •  6,764 views
  5 days ago  •  6,762 views
Balla Eclectic  MOD 
Sock respect. I can respect that. LOL
Thanks for a sockful of socking good information Polo. D
  5 days ago  •  6,726 views
Tell that to my mother :)
  4 days ago  •  6,717 views
Wanderin Boy Memorial  MOD 
Haha, this is too funny.
"Think like a sock"
Polo you are awesome.
How did you come up with this?
  4 days ago  •  6,717 views
XD I can't ever find even just one matching pair. Polo, Polo! *Falls over, laughing my head off and pounding the floor*
  4 days ago  •  6,914 views
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